Wow, I started this blog, wrote quite often, got a job, kinda slacked. I wanted this to be kind of a diary thing just for me, if someone else was interested- so be it. I don't have to account to anyone but myself, so I'll type when I damn well feel like it. Ok, I feel like it now.
The job: holy crap, I almost quit. L really makes me feel like an idiot which frustrates me and makes me feel like shit and stressed out. Yesterday I had a reaction to a decongestant that I took before bed- major palpatations when I got to work. I explained what was happening to B and L, B said she would tell A when she got in. So, I called Dr M's office and left a message for his nurse, she left a voicemail on my cell after 2 hrs (good thing I didn't pass out or die in the meantime). Basically she said I had to "wait it out" and not take anything else. Duh. I applied online for a job with the Clerk of Courts which just so happens to be VERY close to where I am currently employed. I also saw that a local bank was hiring for a receptionist position, so I went and applied there too. Turns out today was one of the best days so far at work, L had to leave for a problem w/her daughter so I got to work w/A for a little while then w/P. P is so nice, cool, and her daughter is getting married next year. Hum, weddings- something I know just a little about. I did really well on the express window, and when L got back I felt like I had much more confidence in my skills. A telling me I did well was a plus- coming from her as the assistant mgr it meant something. L was in a good mood because she's going to Vegas for a few days, I was feeling good, so I felt like I could talk to her. Maybe she was showing sympathy because her daughter was having problems at her 1st day of work today. Different circumstances, same idea though. Well, I did all the closing procedures (which really aren't hard at all), printed all the reports and put all the stuff in the right place- with time to spare. L surprised me and said she had told A that I closed up all by myself and did a good job. Wow, I thanked her and joked that it "had to click sometime!" I'm actually proud, and think I might give this thing a shot. I was so ready to give up. B was trying to be supportive and said I should quit if I wasn't happy. I think he only said that partially because he meant it, mostly because that's what I would've told him (and have). I keep thinking that I'll retire after 20 years, I have to plan the party eventually...
I got the 2 days off in Oct to go to NY, excited about that. Adam and I have talked often, mostly about M&D's anniversary getaway. I can't wait to see everyone, B says I have to see R & Rach, I want to anyway- how many times can I go and not? I miss them, but especially M&D. Maybe I'll get to see M and her kids too. Jen is coming the wkend before Halloween, we will probably go up to Orlando to Universal, I'm going to ask for that Mon off. Anyway, enough for now.

I don't know what the f I did to the computer, I was playing with the controls to change the font size and now it's huge. I changed it back, but some things are still big, very easy to read, but some are annoying.
It's Sat, B's at work and we will go down to the beach after he gets home. The guy from the car place called and said he needs B to sign a power of attorney so that he can sell the truck for him. I know thru work that it can't be a copy or fax, so he has to go there to sign the paper. I told him to make sure the price can't be any lower than what they agreed to, I know he's glad I will be there. It's funny how stuff from work will help me in life, sometimes in the strangest ways.
I worked Tues-Fri at the dealer office in FM. That office will be moving to downtown by the end of the year, the women there don't seem too pleased about that. It's cool that they all can take lunch at the same time, not having actual customers coming in is a big plus. I don't think I could handle just all the data entry all day though. I learned alot from the girl, T, who was training me, I feel alot more confident about titles, plates, leased vehicles, trucks and that stuff. The other crap with the forms sucks, I hate typing alpha-numeric, I'm so slow and putting in vin #'s really is a pain. The time went by so quickly, it's been nearly a month, 4 weeks actually so far.
Jen says she wants to come in Oct, hard to believe we haven't seen her in 3 years. I know B is happy about it, I just don't know how we can work this if I go to NY for Columbus Day wkend to see the family. I don't know if I can get that Fri off to begin with, I will have earned 3 vaca days by then so I'll have to find out. Hopefully Jen will let us know when she wants to come soon- B will put in for vaca then.
A and I have just talked about M&D's anniversary trip. We agree that it's just so much traveling for them, especially if they plan on coming here in Jan/Feb too. His idea is for a few days on Shelter Island, he was there for July 4th and really liked it. I saw the inn on the computer, looks nice and they can bring a car on the ferry plus it's not a far away trip. I'd love to do a cruise w/B and possibly Jen- just 3 or 4 days so we wouldn't have to worry too much about the pets and it wouldn't be too much $. We may just go to Universal- B wants to go there. He'll be home soon, more laundry to finish.....

It's Thurs pm, I finished 3 days at the new office. The girl I'm training with had me on the computer yesterday afternoon and most of today. It seems like there's so much to remember, so many forms, things the customers need, just ALOT of everything. I got my first paycheck today for 40 hrs, the next one will be for 2 weeks but they will take out $ for all kinds of things. I can't wait to get my benefits started, but I'm kind of worried about going to the dr. I have just a few I'd like to see- the eye dr, gyno, Dr P, a dermatologist, podiatrist- how many more can I name? I know they judge you on your time taken off, but how can I stay well unless I have some maintenence?
I've been getting up a little after B, I don't really need that much time in the am, especially if I shower and wash my hair at night. I still shower in the am, but it's a quicky. It's nice to take my time and eat my oatmeal and yogurt (shared w/Rudy, of course) and catch up on the news on GMA. I get so tired early, especially if I walk the dogs when I get home. There's alot of sitting at work, I need to exercise somehow. I love that I'm so close to work, no traffic and no bridge- I'm not going to renew my transponder in Oct- I don't need it. If I go to FM on the weekend, it will usually be in B's truck anyway. He says we should keep it for the El C, I don't see the point- whatever.
I got email from A and Mom/Dad. M&D are up near Cape Cod on the boat, that's where the tropical storm is headed- I hope they're safe. A is sweating in Puerto Vallarta with his gfriend, says it's a great resort. We WILL get to take a real vaca someday- hopefully next year. I called the paver co today, they still haven't been here to pick up their garbage or the pallets. I got the bill yesterday, they are NOT getting paid until they do their shit. I'm pissed about the crap in the pool too, B shouldn't have to be doing all the cleaning. That ass salesman is just a yes-man, just tells us what we want to hear. I'm not dealing with that ass anymore, I'll call the office everyday until they do something about this. What lousy cust svce to say the least- they don't even communicate with each other.
I'm still surprised at how casual people dress at work. I don't see too many of them even wearing skirts, and most wear casual open-toed sandals (no pantyhose) and pants. The no sleeve shirts can't be t-shirts or spagetti straps, but some of my tank tops are ok- just weird. At least I won't be too warm at work.

Well, it's Sat am. It's been a long week. I started the new job on Mon, I can't believe we spent a whole day just going over benefits and paperwork. The training woman, Madeline, was very good at explaining things and I'm so glad I will be able to go to any doctor and it won't cost me more than $25. The prescriptions alone will save me mega bucks. The pay is pretty low, but I'll be able to save/invest some of it, and I get one sick and one vaca day per month-awesome. Sitting at the computer learning stuff is ok, I just feel like I can't sit for that long. I really like the Cust Support Dept, I worked w/Karen (from NY too)- she was so friendly and great to ask questions to. The hour break for lunch will be much better when I start at my office on Tues, 3 miles from the house, I could go home for lunch if I wanted to, and do the local errands if needed. There is so much to know, I had no idea it was so involved. I think I'll love meeting people from all over who move here, and being able to help them is so important.
The paver guys showed up on Tues, finally! It took them 3 days to finish because of the rain, it looks good. I was just annoyed about the dust, crooked drain, crooked pavers and the fact that they put the hammock frame and barbecue outside. The salesman is the one that I'm mostly annoyed with, he just told us what we wanted to hear and promised a lot. I really don't like seeing the white rim under the new coping, he said it would be covered. I guess we could drain the pool a little and paint it. I want to paint the outside walls of the lanai the same color as the coping, it's kind of a goldish-tan. I love the pavers outside the back door, the one on the side looks small, but it fits the space. Anyway, the ass was supposed to be here at 9am (so he told B), but it's 10:15 and no show. Typical, I'm so not surprised. B and John are working on the El Camino in the garage, I don't understand putting all that time and energy into it when it's not the car he really wants. He said he'll sell it and get a nice Dart, works for me. I think he likes that car and the fact that it's easier to work on for him and that's a bit of a stress reliever.
Well, stuff to do and places to go....

It's Sunday, about 8am. What the hell am I doing up this early? Well, it's "practice" for tomorrow- the big day. The first day of the rest of my working life. I seriously intend to retire from the county, just as my parents did in NY. I want the great health benefits, the weekends and holidays off and the retirement plan that goes with it. Mostly, I want a job I can feel satisfied with and be able to help people. I also would like to make some real friends, not just work acquaintances. I have to go the the office that I did all the pre-job stuff at tomorrow, I'm going to leave really early so that I don't have to worry about any unforseen commuting problems. I don't know how long I have to train there, I can't wait to work just 3 miles from home. I have to go thru my clothes too, want to look nice and make a good impression. I got my hair trimmed yesterday, layers again on the sides and a drop shorter in the back. I think the dogs will miss be being around as much as I was for the past few months, it's a long day when B and I are both working.
The f'g paver people piss me off! The supervisor guy called on Thurs and said they would be there on Fri- I wasn' too surprised when they didn't show. Assholes, they are from here, don't they know it rains every f'g day in the summer? This puts them behind schedule, no shit. At this rate, we'll be lucky if they do anything by Nov! The salesman dropped off a copy of the so-called contract, it was the paper I signed when we picked out the bricks and I gave him the credit card #. I told the office secretary how he had called and said their machine wasn't working and could I give him a check. Of course he quickly volunteered to pick it up at the house the next day. The contract paper is different than the one he gave me that day, if I have to sure these jerks that may work in my favor. I was more concerned about getting additional charges, these guys don't communicate with each other and I don't exactly trust them.
I have some broken down cardboard boxes in this room, Logan and Rudy keep beating the crap out of each other around them. Logan got locked in here again last night, I feel like we need to do a headcount before we go to bed each night.
B worked yesterday, then on the car, then we decided to go to the beach for an early dinner. It was the lowest tide we had ever seen there, the people were walking out almost as far as the little shop on the pier. We usually do the greek thing, but we decided to go to the pier restaurant where I had gone w/cousin C when she visited a few years ago. The 3 of us had gone there as well, I remember B not being impressed. It was better than we had expected, but I don't think we'll go back for awhile. We got home and started to watch Kiss kiss, Bang bang- about 5 minutes into it the power went out. How annoying, and it wasn't even raining. We got so much rain the past couple of days that the front and driveway look like a lake. Well, it was out for about and hour and a half, we lit a candle and hung out in the bedroom hoping that it wouldn't be all night. It was so humid out, and starting to get stuffy and warm when the power came back on- yay.
Since I'm up and semi-awake, I may go get some bagels for breakfast. B says it's his day to sleep, I hope the dogs cooperate and don't wake him up. I'm going to be so tired tomorrow- I haven't had anything besides ice tea with caffeine in it, I don't want to start that crap again. I think the diet soda from Sam in the mall took a few years off my life, no thanks.
I clicked on "next blog" at the top of this page the other day, and read about a teenage girl in Canada, she has alot of rage- especially toward guys. I felt like I was reading my high school journal almost, I left a comment for her. Her boyfriend commented on my blog, said a profound thing about parents and grieving, smart for a young guy. If they only knew how much things would change in the next few years....oh the plans we thought would happen. I truly wish them luck and would tell them to live in the moment, the future could be anything. As for futures, mine starts tomorrow.

Oh crap, here we go again. If it's not heartburn, it's not being able to breathe, if it's not that it's leg and foot pain. Tonight I won the jackpot- all 3. Another reason is that M called, we talked for over an hour and a half, it was so good to talk to her. She gave me the update on K's mother, she went to the wake and the funeral is tomorrow. One of the greatest things about M is her memory and attention to details- she can relay almost any story as if it actually happened to her, I feel like I was there. I can't picture a lot of the people I haven't seen in awhile, and it was surprising to hear that I was mentioned a few times among the group. I had to smile when M said that Sandy said that I was in so many of the pictures they had. I told her how I don't even have one of K's parents and that I thought that was strange. She sounded surprised when I told her I had a bunch of pics of her parents- they had so many get-togethers at their house, and the weddings too. I love talking to her, she just makes me feel like I'm a part of something, friendships are lacking and missed sometimes for me. How different things would be if we would've stayed in NY. I love B and wouldn't want to change anything between us, but sometimes you have to wonder about fate. Moving to FL (not away from NY) was probably the best thing for us, I'm hoping at the new job I make long time friends.
Today (actually yesterday now) would've been 6 years at the last job, I almost emailed my old DM to say hi and then thought against it. KK was on the computer earlier and she updated me with all the weapons training she's going for, she seems to like it. She said the next time she goes to the shooting range she'll call (after I told her B likes to shoot sometimes). I told her it's not exactly my idea of fun, but if B wanted to go that I would. He said the same thing to me, funny how we know each other so well. She emailed me pics of little T, he's a cutie that kid. I'll never forget the day at the mall when she thought her water broke and casually asked me if I could drive her to the hospital. I pretty much freaked out, while she stood and made phone calls to a few people. Thank god it was a false alarm, but still. M told me about JL's new baby boy and how G lost so much weight from the gastric bypass surgery. Size 10 and no boobs, I'll never recognize her. She could use the pic I have of her and C from Christmas '04 as a before pic for sure. M said the way she lost 50 lbs in 10 months was on the sugar busters (?) diet. No sugar or white flour- sounds great in theory. She says when she got preg w/her son and had him she gained so much back. I have to lose some too, not working and cooking dinner and eating has messed me up. Someday I'll have the ideal "normal" schedule- yeah right.
Another reason I'm stressing, it's amazing how feeling helpless can piss you off. The f'g paver company is driving me nuts. When the hell is the work going to be done? The ass salesman said by the end of this week (last week), I spoke to the supervisor guy today and he said Mon the earliest and Tues the latest. I told him we weren't happy with the lack of communication, and the my LAWYER said I needed a contract stating the exact price before the work starts. He said someone will drop it off, can't wait to see it. Just do it already, now I won't be home to see the progress as I start the new job on Mon.
The woman from the office called to say it was a go, they just need the SS card and copy of my hs diploma when I come in. The nurse from the health screening worried me a bit, but I guess all was ok. I am seriously thinking about my retirement party at work, I'll have been there over 20 years- wonder what the future has to offer and where I'll be. The positive attitude is out in full force- look out world, here I come. Now if I could only get some sleep...

2:30 in the morning, and guess what, can't sleep again. This heartburn crap has got to stop sometime. I was thinking that the reason I've felt like crap for the past couple of months is that I was taking cold medicine almost every day, I'm trying not to now. It's just my sinuses are all f'd up and I really can't breathe before I go to bed. The breathe-right strips are helping, along with the Vicks shoved into my nostrils every night.
M emailed me last night, read it this afternoon- K's mom died. M didn't have any info, but she said I could call her as she didn't have my # (?). I left a message on her home machine with my cell and home #, she didn't call. Back to that whole coincidence crap, I was on the NY paper blog and read that they wanted to develop land near the cemetery there. That's the one that K's great-grandfather had the gravestones done for his parents and brother before he died. Funeral homes are the business to be in, everyone gets there eventually. That's where B's father was taken, that horrible experience that we shared nearly 15 years ago already. I'm sorry that B had to go thru all that stuff when his mother died, but I'm thankful that I stayed here. I keep saying we have to do wills, he won't give me a straight answer on what he wants when the time comes, I just want to be cremated- whatever with the ashes.
M had told me a while ago that she had run into K's mom and that she had asked about me. M says the woman loved me, which I find hard to believe. I always thought she resented me, and was glad when the relationship was over, she always seemed to like M much more than me. I remember a phone conversation with her, something about how he couldn't have a car at college because seeing me would distract him from his school work. Well, we stayed together thru the long distance relationship and then some, we were so different back then. I couldn't see that we were so different, I always thought he settled for his life when he could've been such a great teacher or something else besides a laborer. Not that there's anything wrong with that kind of job, but it's seems like a bit of a waste. He would also be a great dad, it's too bad his mother didn't see that with him, M says his sister has a son though. I'm so glad my parents are happy and healthy, I feel so bad for Mr. B- he was almost always nice to me and had that quiet sense of humor. I don't know K anymore and haven't for years, but I would like to send a sympathy card or note just to let him know that I care. It's strange that I almost went to NY this week, now I'm glad I didn't- it would be too weird. I really wanted to see my parents, A, and even J. I would've liked to see M too. I'm starting my new job on Mon, I just hope I really like it and it's the last job I have and retire someday. B's snoring his brains out, but I need to sleep- tomorrow's July 4th and Kelly will be petrified most of the night from the fireworks. Good night everyone, or good morning it seems.

It's almost 4am and I can't sleep. It sucks because I'm really tired and all I do is the toss and turn thing. B has been snoring really loud too, it actually wakes me up when I almost fall asleep more times than not. I love how Logan appears instantly when I go in the "computer room", I don't even know when he started doing this. He loves to be in this room, he scractches on the old folded runner carpet, then either curls up in the cardboard box on the floor or on the other chair near me. B says it's because no one bothers him in there, which isn't always true. Rudy makes a guest appearance occasionally to take control of the sleeping box, or when he's bored and wants to bug someone. Kelly just came in and put her head on my lap, she is so cute-especially when she's tired. I took the girls out at about 2:30 when I awoke with heartburn, it just annoys me to be out there calling Kelly to come a bunch of times, it's not like she can go too far in the backyard. It's kind of nice to know the animals like to be near me, sometimes when I'm on the computer before I go to bed, Katie is waiting in the livingroom and follows me to the bedroom when the time comes. The cats like to be in the bedroom when I'm in there, except Logan the loner- he hangs out on the back of the couch in the livingroom. It always surprises me that they are all in the same house with the same routine/upbringing yet they all have their own personalities (like kids, I guess). I'd love to type some more, but my eyes are drooping and who knows what time some hairy beast will want to go out in a few hours....

What a day. As if I haven't been feeling so well lately- now this. When I was washing my face this am I noticed that it looked like I had freckles on my right hand an wrist. What the f? Freaky and weird, little red dots and I don't know what it's from. B asked if I washed off the diesel oil I had got on me yesterday- I was helping him drain the old truck oil into the the containers the new stuff had come in. I don't know, it's been all day and now my hand and arm feel weak, just like I felt after I had the IV removed from when I was in the hospital last year. That was my WORST nightmare come true, and worse than I ever could've dreamed. Lately it's been my sinuses, I'm all stuffy and it gives me bad headaches and makes me feel tired. If this is allergies, it sucks. At least I got over that post nasal drip crap, that was the worst. Being claustrophobic and waking up unable to breathe is a pretty bad feeling. These little panic-attack things with the breathing are freaking me out, I don't panic unless it's a claustrophobic thing. It's such a stupid fear, I can't even sit in the El Camino (a 2-door car no less) without feeling like I'll die. The roof slants down too much, I feel like I'll be crushed. I was going to try to drive it someday when B was at work, just to get over this crap, but I can't sit in the car even if I have the door open- what a nutcase. The c thing is usually brought about by a car, elevators and crowds don't bother me a bit. I'd love to be hypnotized to stop that awful feeling, I know I'm fine, I'm safe, etc- my head just doesn't believe it. Luckily, in my life, it hasn't held me back from too many things. I know for sure I can't wear a full face helmet for a motorcycle or a scuba mask, those are 2 things which don't come up too much in everyday life for me. I remember that time in Howe Caverns when I freaked out, B was cool and told me to close my eyes and just hold his hand and follow him out. Caverns are no longer in my vacation plans. He sort of understands, he doesn't like crowds and hates airplanes with a total fear. I used to have the c problem when getting on the plane, not a problem anymore which is kind of strange considering all those people in such a small space- you can bet I would never use a bathroom on one though. Ok, time to take drugs (Benadryl sinus) and try to get some sleep, hope my hand is back to normal tomorrow, don't want to pay $90 to see Dr M again.

Well, it was an uneventful night, no puking to be had. Kelly seemed a bit lazy this morning, but she perked right up when she realized we were taking her and Katie for a walk. Dopey dogs, it takes a good 5 minutes to just get the darn collars on them. Kelly wears a harness, she's a dumb ass and will choke herself with a regular collar. Dogs- ours in particular- are so cute. I say they're just big hairy bags of love, who else would be so happy to see you even if you go in the garage for a few minutes? There's something to be said for a hairy nutcase jumping and barking the second you walk in the door. The walk thing never gets old with them, we started spelling it just so they won't tear the house apart in excitement before we go. Usually it just takes one of them to see me putting on my sneakers, usually Katie, and she does her combination bark/whine that sounds like Chewbacca and Scooby Doo. Next thing you know Kelly is barking, a sound that makes my ears ring and my temples throb. Katie is a smart dog, I usually get Kelly ready and Katie tries to get her own leash off the hook. She beats the crap out of it before we can get it on her. I don't even know how we learned she could do it, but B hands her the leash on the way home- she puts it in her mouth and trots home. If you say, "pick it up", she does and then keeps on going. She won't run home unless it's in her mouth, I gave her Kelly's leash one day and she dragged her across the neighbors yard to ours- pretty cute. Katie LOVES tennis balls, she's a great catcher and rarely misses. B used to show her off at the dog park, she would run and leap and twist in the air. She was attacked by another dog there a few months ago, it was a Lab, it punctured her ear twice and got her in the neck too. I'm not sure who was more traumatized- Katie, Kelly or me. We will NEVER go there again. Kelly is happy to play tug of war with pretty much anything, especially the thing we call her "blankie". When Katie was little and I was a real dork I bought her a coat from the Disney store. It's more of a cape, it has red plush on one side and a Dalmation print on the other. It was too big for her, and it even came with an extra section for the belly if you had a larger dog. Well, the belly section is the blankie, and that thing is tough. Considering the rough treatment it gets, it just started to come unsewn. I throw it in the wash now and then, doggie breath smell can be rather gross.

What the hell? Why do I get all the crappy jobs? He feeds them people food all the time as I constantly say it's not good for them, now there's something wrong with Kelly. She wanted to go out, and all she wanted to do was eat grass in the backyard. I've seen Katie do this more than a few times, so I know to keep her out there until she pukes, or guess who gets to clean up the floor in the house... She was out there for quite a while, I heard a cough, then the rustling noise of her feet trying to cover up her dump (or moon walking as I like to call it). I gave both of the girls one of the new Paul Newman peanut butter treats I got them (Katie won't even have one if she doesn't feel good) and Kelly gobbled hers up. She snoring on the floor by my feet right now, and I think she just farted- holy stink. He said he only gave her a little KFC chicken, I can imagine what else. It's bad enough that one of the cats is forever puking somewhere, this is just gross.
Anyway, I had my final interview for the job I want this am. It was my 4th time back! One was for the typing test, 2nd was for 1st interview, Mon it was an assessment test, and today. I really hope I get it, the pay is pretty low, but I need those health benefits. Besides, I think I will enjoy weekends off a bit more if I work during the week!
My very sweet neighbor mentioned it was her birthday today. She is the nicest woman, widowed right before Christmas last year. They were happily married for 10 years, 2nd time for both, and his heart gave out the night before he was going to get tested for a transplant. She was so miserable for so long, crying every day and today she said she took off her wedding ring. I was really surprised, but I told her to do what she feels right for her, it's the only thing she should do. He was a wonderful man and they acted like they were always so in love. She loves my dogs, always gives them treats (the doggie kind, so I don't mind) and calls them her granddogs. She's talking about selling the house and moving near her grandchildren, I don't want her to go but I understand why she would want to.
Long day, getting tired, there's so much more to tell. I really wanted this to be about the animals (really like our kids), but I guess there's always tomorrow. Hope for a puke-free night.